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Articles By Mike Rooth

Soot and Roo Bars

I remember saying that whenever the political parrots start to get environmentally/health/anyhtingelsethatwilldoyougood, concious you can be sure that *someone*,*somewhere* is going to make money out of it.So now we have proof.Diesels are the worst thing that ever happened to mankind,they said.SOOT,they said.Nasty cancerous stuff, soot,they said.Neever mind those of us who had dear old Grannies that cleaned their teeth with it and live longer than they had any right to expect,thats just a fluke,they said,coupled with healthy eating.You know, penicillin and chips,a hundred ciggies a day,and four pints of stout each evening,finishing with a large port and lemon,and a pipe of black shag.*That's* it.*That* sort of healthy eating.

Well,in this mornings paper,it would appear that Johnson Mathey have developed a soot trap which replaces the silencer(muffler,Maloney,muffler, but dont say it over here,someone will hand you a scarf)on trucks and buses. It appears that these things cost three to four thousand pounds per unit, instead of the *one* thousand that the silencer would cost.Turns out that 85% of the sooty stuff chucked out by traffic is from trucks and buses. Well,well,WHAT a surprise!Since (presumably) Johnson Matthey cant make the bloody things small enough to fit cars and Land Rovers we are, temporarily at least,off the proverbial hook!
Moral? Buy Johnson Matthey shares,I suppose.Cant see much else moral about it.Or dont beleive anything the bastards tell you,and look for whose trying to sell something you wouldnt *ever* buy!

On the subject off Bull Bars,Brush Bars,Roo Bars,depending in which country you live.Over here there is a move to ban them,on the grounds that they tend to kill pedestrians,if the latter are shunted hard enough.(Actually,I thought that's what they were for.I *was* going to reccommend them for a Design Centre Award for efficiency of design). Personally,I wont have one,on the grouds that if you bash a farm gatepost with your bumper mounted farm gate,its going to bend the entire front of the vehicle when it bens backwards,rather than just the bit in contact with the gatepost.Ah well,takes all sorts...I happened to notice the other day that the bloody *police* were fitting them to their Transit vans! Draw your own conclusions....

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